{"id":148,"date":"2021-02-12T05:51:59","date_gmt":"2021-02-12T05:51:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/?p=148"},"modified":"2021-02-12T06:05:42","modified_gmt":"2021-02-12T06:05:42","slug":"effed-up-mythology-cupid-and-psyche","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/2021\/02\/12\/effed-up-mythology-cupid-and-psyche\/","title":{"rendered":"Effed Up Mythology: Cupid and Psyche, A Valentine&#8217;s Day Story"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe title=\"Effed Up Mythology: Cupid and Psyche, A Valentine&#039;s Day Story\" width=\"1170\" height=\"658\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/R5UpwIEeVdI?start=348&#038;feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/1655014\/7752694-cupid-and-psyche.mp3?blob_id=34426519&#038;download=true<\/p>\n<p>Hello history nerds and historians!<\/p>\n<p>Welcome to the first official segment of Effed Up MYTHOLOGY. This is where we talk about a little tidbit from mythology that&#8217;s super fucked up.\u00a0 I\u2019ve embedded the youtube and podcast link above, but for anyone who wants to read about this thrilling subject, you\u2019ve come to the right place. So sit back, relax, and practice your \u201cOh, good gods what the fuck\u201d faces. You can look at the youtube video above to see what mine looked like while researching this story.<\/p>\n<p>In honor of Valentine&#8217;s day, we will be talking about that Roman myth about that time that Cupid completely fucked up a girl&#8217;s life because she was super pretty and mommy told him to.\u00a0<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is the roman telling because well cupid is associated with Valentine\u2019s day, not Eros. But it is essentially the same story so when I introduce a god or goddess, I&#8217;ll also include their Greek name equivalence.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-150\" src=\"http:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/trigger-300x283.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"283\" srcset=\"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/trigger-300x283.jpg 300w, https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/trigger.jpg 572w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">TRIGGER WARNING: Talk of suicide and mental\/ emotional abuse.\u00a0 If these topics bother you in any way, please log off now and I will see you next time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Domestic violence hotline: 1 800 799 SAFE (7233)\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Suicide lifeline: 800 273 8255<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This mythological story seems to be the origin of so many fairy tales so we are going to start it in the true fairy tale format&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once upon a time, in an unnamed city, in an unnamed town there lived an unnamed king and queen with two unnamed daughters because they are obviously super fucking important to the story.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now the queen gave birth to their third daughter and they named her Psyche. And because she is named we can assume she is who this story is about (if the title didn&#8217;t give it away).<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">From the beginning, Psyche was the most beautiful person to ever be seen. She was so beautiful that people began saying that she was the embodiment of Venus (Aphrodite), the goddess of love, on earth. And if she wasn\u2019t that same goddess born from the depths of the blue ocean, than she was the new Venus, born of the earth and, unlike that slutty goddess, was a VIRGIN. Because for some reason women\u2019s virginity is a super important topic of discussion<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Psyche would walk down the street and they would all be like, \u201cPSYCHE you\u2019re perfect, you\u2019re beautiful, you look like Linda Evangalista, you\u2019re a model.\u201d and she\u2019d be like\u2026 okay thanks can I buy my bread now.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Like she didn\u2019t ask to be treated this way.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t come out of the womb like, &#8220;I HAVE ARRIVED THE EMBODIMENT OF VENUS.&#8221; She didn\u2019t walk down the street like, &#8220;FALL DOWN AT MY FEET AND WORSHIP ME, PEASANTS.&#8221; It was put upon her by the people in this unnamed region. They stopped worshipping Venus altogether and began worshipping this goddess on earth, Psyche.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Eventually, Venus began noticing that and she was\u2026 not happy.\u00a0 She was actually fucking furious. She was appalled to have to share her beauty and worship with a mortal human wench and terrestrial trash and &#8220;I\u2019ll make sure she pays for her insolence&#8221;\u2026 that literally other people did to her but it\u2019s kind of a theme in mythology to blame the victim&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So she called her son, Cupid (Eros) and told him to avenge his mother and let that\u00a0<em>virgin<\/em> fall in love with a monster.\u00a0 Whether it was a literal monster or just some loathsome criminal, she didn\u2019t care. She just wanted her to marry someone that would ostracize her from society by the mere thought that she could marry such an abomination. Then she open mouthed kissed him because apparently they are one of those kinds of families. Which shouldn\u2019t be so surprising considering all the incest in mythology.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_151\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-151\" style=\"width: 294px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-full wp-image-151\" src=\"http:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/zeus-and-hera.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"294\" height=\"252\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-151\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Zeus and Hera: King and Queen of Olympus, husband and wife&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;. and brother and sister&#8230; Ah, the Greeks and their incest.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Meanwhile, Psyche is now an adult and was super getting depressed because, even though she was so hot and people literally fell down in worship at her feet, no one wanted to marry her and she would just DIE A VIRGIN. They were too intimidated by her.\u00a0 They felt her beauty belonged depicted in a statue not in their beds. \u00a0 Both of her significantly less attractive sister were already married off, in some sources I read they were even married off to kings but they were ugly or old and the sisters weren\u2019t very happy about it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, her father, unnamed king of this unnamed town, went to the oracle, which if you take anything away from this effed up mythology series,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">DON\u2019T GO TO THE ORACLE. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">DON\u2019T TRUST THEM.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>DON&#8217;T TRY TO SOLVE THEIR RIDDLES.<\/p>\n<p>DON&#8217;T TRY TO DISCERN THEIR CLUES.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">DON\u2019T TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THEY MEAN <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">BECAUSE IT NEVER TURNS OUT WELL FOR ANYONE<\/span><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_152\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-152\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-152\" src=\"http:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Screen-Shot-2016-08-16-at-2.00.01-AM-1024x591-1-300x173.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"173\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-152\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Don&#8217;t fucking do it!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Anyway, so the Oracle tells him that Psyche will marry. TODAY. Go home and dress her for her wedding&#8230;. <em>*Cue suspenseful music*<\/em> but also for her funeral because you will never see her again.\u00a0 You see, your daughter is going to be taken by a winged, inhuman creature and she will become his wife and it will be as if she died.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So Daddy-no-name goes home and recounts what the oracle told him and they begin preparations.\u00a0 And apparently the whole city hears of it and laments and the entire town escorts the weeping living corpse of Psyche to her wedding funeral.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The people of the town are absolutely beside themselves.\u00a0 They tear at their clothing and claw at their eyes and beat their chests in grief.\u00a0 But Psyche, in the first time we hear her speak, addresses the whole town and made me fucking love her and look past some of the questionable decisions that she makes later on. She tells the people to be quiet and stop this show that they\u2019re putting on. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;Why are you grieving for me now? You should have cried when you were addressing me as the incarnation of Venus or the new-and-improved-Venus 2.0.\u00a0 You should have cried for me when people were coming from miles away to worship at my feet. Because when you all were doing that, you were dooming me to this fate. Did you really think that Venus wouldn\u2019t take notice and seek retaliation? Just finish leading me up to the crags and let me meet the husband I deserve.\u00a0 Why should I put off meeting him even if he is such a terrible monster and a sight to behold when apparently I\u2019m going to fall in love with him?&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And she marched on with the people quietly following behind her and they put her on the tallest cliff and left her there.\u00a0 Once everyone left, she finally let the terror and sadness overwhelm her and she wept for herself and her terrible fate until the west wind, Favonius (Zephyrus), caressed her softly in comfort and carried her off to a flowery meadow and she fell asleep because finding out you\u2019re going to get married to a monster and practically being left for dead before getting whisked away by the wind sounds FUCKING EXHAUSTING.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When she awoke, she took in the grove that she was in filled with beautiful trees and a large fountain. Just past this was a giant, glistening mansion that seemed fit for a god\u00a0 complete with gold columns and silver murals and precious stones in the floor, etc. so\u2026 essentially Jeff Bezos\u2019s new house.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Inside was everything that she could ever imagine and as she starred in astonishment, disembodied voices that told her Lumiere style that all this was for her and upstairs she would find a room exactly to her expectation and to relax and have a bath and they would tend to her every need.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Later that night, in the dead of darkness, she feels a presence enter the room.\u00a0 He introduced himself as her husband and they spoke for a while.\u00a0 He mentioned that he already loved her dearly and he hoped she loved her new home because <em>she could never leave<\/em> and if they were to have a happy marriage, she was to trust him and <em>never attempt to gaze upon him<\/em>. And then Psyche, New-and-Improved-Virgin Venus 2.0 was a virgin no more.\u00a0 Before dawn, her husband snuck out and they repeated this pattern every night.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Back home, news reached the unnamed sisters that Psyche was sacrificed to a terrible monster. Rumors began saying that he was winged horrible grotesque serpent and they rushed back to the unnamed town to confront mommy- and daddy-no-name and the next day planned on making their way to the mountain where she was left for her funeral wedding.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That night when Psyche\u2019s unseen husband came to her and told her that Psyche is in danger because &#8220;SHE&#8221; threatens you so you need to be on guard.\u00a0 Not telling her who this unnamed person is because, god damn it, everyone is so fucking cryptic in this story. He then tells her that her sisters have heard of her fate and are making their way to the mountain and even if she hears their crying and grief, not to respond or even look towards the sound of the noise or else he and Psyche will be met with terrible sorrow and an irrevocable end. And she agrees with \u201cwifely obedience\u201d because clearly this story was originally told by a man.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But she spent the entire next day in anguish and grief for herself since she was as good as dead confined forever to loneliness in her pristine prison. She couldn\u2019t even comfort and be comforted by her sisters that she loved so much and she literally just cried herself to sleep.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her <em>wonderful<\/em> (can you feel the sarcasm in that word?) unseen and unknown husband came to her that night for a little action as he does every night because this is LITERALLY WHAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP CONSISTS OF, was like, <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;Seriously Psyche? Is this literally all you\u2019re going to do all day? Just lay around and cry and feel sorry for yourself.\u00a0 Like, bitch, you live in a <em>fucking palace<\/em> who gives a flying fuck if you\u2019re lonely. Have you seen the jewels in the fucking floor? But no, you just lay in our marital bed and cry all day even when I\u2019m trying to fuck you.\u00a0 I can\u2019t fuck a weeping girl. It takes all the fun out of it, who do you think I am, Jupiter? You know what? Fine.\u00a0 Go ahead.\u00a0 Go see your sisters.\u00a0 Just remember what I fucking told you when this all goes up in flames.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">~Oh, be still my heart he is so romantic. Why doesn\u2019t my husband talk to me like this when I\u2019m having a depressive episode?~<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Psyche, not at all exhibiting signs of being emotionally abused and having a serious mental illness that she should seek help for IMMEDIATELY, pleaded with him and threatened to kill herself because she was so unhappy. He finally conceded and told her she could see her sisters &#8220;but I warn you, do not let them ask about my appearance or you will be flung into a bottomless pit of despair and never again be BLESSED with my embrace.&#8221;\u00a0 Because he\u2019s one of those guys with a magic penis apparently&#8230;.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To this she perked right up and thanked her husband for his immense kindness and said that she would rather die a hundred deaths than be without him and that &#8220;I love you wholeheartedly whoever you are.&#8221; And that Cupid could not do better in finding her such a wonderful husband. To thank him, she began making moves on him and he resisted at first because he was still <em>so angry<\/em> at her still for, you know, being lonely and depressed and emotionally abused but eventually could not resist her and gave in to her \u201cVenus-like\u201d charms.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The next day, the sisters make their way to the mountain and begin mourning for their sister. Suddenly they are whisked away by the west wind, Favonius and plopped into a meadow full of trees and a fountain and right beyond that is a glistening mansion and\u2026 Psyche.\u00a0 The three embrace each other with happy tears and kisses and Psyche gave them a tour and showered them with gifts.\u00a0 And the happy joy at seeing their sister alive soon was replaced with that green eyed monster of envy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img src=\"https:\/\/psychologyconsultants.com.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/green-eyed-monster.jpg\" alt=\"Image result for green eyed monster\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And one of the sisters asked her who her husband was and if they were to meet this wonderful master of the house who drenches his newlywed wife with gold and jewels and &#8220;oh are those rubies in the floor?&#8221;\u00a0 Psyche laughed it off and says that he is a handsome young man who is currently out hunting and &#8220;oh would you look at the time, you need to get back home okay love you byeeeee&#8221; and Favonius whisked them away and plopped them back on the cliffs where they started.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And her sisters were <em>pissed<\/em>.\u00a0 They were like, &#8220;Oh it fucking figures that the most beautiful person in the world would get a god for a fucking husband and get showered in riches for the rest of her life when we were married off to these ugly old guys and live like maids and slaves in our own homes and this bitch thinks she a fucking goddess in her mansion of gold and she\u2019s going to look down on us? Like did you see how arrogant she was? How she just couldn\u2019t wait to rub in our faces how well off she is and threw some of her unwanted treasures at us before banishing us so now we can go and tell the town how happy she is. Oh no.\u00a0 nay nay. We aren\u2019t going to tell anyone that we saw. And we are not going to give her the fucking satisfaction of having everyone continue thinking that she\u2019s better than us.&#8221; So they just went home and started devising this wicked plot of how they were going to take down their sister and rob her of happiness and joy for the rest of her life. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You know, typical sibling rivalry.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That night, Psyche was so happy. When her husband came to her she told him all about her visit and her husband was like, &#8220;Great. Did you have an awesome time? And drink awesome shooters? And listen to awesome music and just soak up each others awesomeness? Do you fucking know how much danger you\u2019re in still? She,&#8221; the still unnamed foe, &#8220;is going to come for you if you don\u2019t get your shit together. And those <em>lying whores<\/em> that are your sisters are plotting a way to get you to betray me. And if those dumb bitches ever come back, which they will, don\u2019t talk to them. And if you absolutely have to because you\u2019re a weak woman don\u2019t answer any questions about me if you still want me around to help raise our child because oh, yeah, you\u2019re pregnant.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And she\u2019s like *gasp* &#8220;A baby?!&#8221; and just fucking ignores everything else that he said because, you know, toxic relationships are all the rage. And he\u2019s like, &#8220;yeah, so now it\u2019s up to you what the outcome of our child\u2019s life will be.\u00a0 If you keep your mouth shut, it\u2019ll be a GOD but if you snitch on me, it\u2019ll be mortal and one day fucking die.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But psyche didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 She was like &#8220;I\u2019m gonna be a mommy. I\u2019m so happy.&#8221;\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And then, this is a direct quote from Sarah Ruden\u2019s translation of the Golden Ass because I literally could not say it better myself: \u201cBut those bitches, those hideous demons breathing serpentine poison, went rushing out with unholy speed for another voyage.\u201d *chef\u2019s kiss* Then she refers to Psyche&#8217;s husband as a &#8220;drop-in husband&#8221; which is just another chef\u2019s kiss. Drop-in husband warns Psyche about her sisters\u2019 arrival. He reminds her to take caution and to just ignore them and &#8220;don\u2019t let those bitches who don\u2019t even deserve to be called your sisters because they\u2019re terrible convince you to do anything.&#8221;\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And Psyche\u2019s like, &#8220;Dude. You already told me multiple times what you think of them. Like I can\u2019t see you, let me see my sisters.\u00a0 Why do you keep treating me like a dumb ass? I\u2019ll fucking show you.&#8221;\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And then\u2026 Psyche acts like a dumb ass&#8230;.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Her sisters march up to the mountain and don\u2019t even wait for the wind to come to them, they just fucking jump off the cliff. The wind catches them and carries them off to Psyche. They see that she\u2019s pregnant and they\u2019re&#8230; less than enthusiastic. &#8220;Oh good for you. This is going to be\u00a0<em>such<\/em> a blessing. We\u2019re\u00a0<em>so<\/em> happy for you. And he is going to be a real little Cupid if he\u2019s anything like his parents, right? I mean he\u2019s just going to be gorgeous. Right? I mean your husband is gorgeous, right? I mean, he has to be to deserve such a beauty like you&#8230; Right?&#8221; <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And Psyche apparently has terrible pregnancy brain and tells them, &#8220;Yeah? Oh yeah! He\u2019s so handsome.\u00a0 He\u2019s an older merchant with salt and pepper hair but still wonderful.\u00a0 I really wish you could meet him. Too bad he\u2019s away on a business trip right now.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;A middle aged merchant?&#8221; One of the sisters asks. &#8220;I thought you said he was a young, beautiful hunter? What\u2019s going on Psyche? Why&#8217;d your story change?&#8221; And she clearly forgot <em>everything<\/em> her husband told her and she just spills the entire story to her sisters. And they were like, &#8220;We thought as much.\u00a0 There have been terrible stories coming from the town that a terrible monster&#8211; a winged serpent with venom dripping from his fangs lives in this castle and you are in grave danger. He\u2019s not going to keep you around much longer.\u00a0 He is almost done fattening you up and before you give birth he will surely devour you and your unborn baby whole.\u00a0 And we care about you so much and we only want what\u2019s best for you.\u00a0 So, dear sister, you need to murder your husband.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And Psyche is like, &#8220;Oh my gods, you\u2019re right. You have to be.\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019ve never seen his face so the only <em>logical<\/em> answer is that he is this terrible monster you speak of.\u00a0 But however am I going to defeat this monster. I am but a lowly woman.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And her sisters sympathize&#8230; sort of. &#8220;Oh, sweet baby angel, we\u2019re here for you. Don&#8217;t worry, we will figure this out together. So here take this dagger and hide it on your side of the bed. Then get a lamp and fill it with oil.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to come to you like he always does and afterwards when he falls in to a deep slumber, light the lamp and plunge this dagger in to his neck.\u00a0 We\u2019ll be waiting to help you.\u00a0 And after he is dead we will come and gather all your beautiful belonging&#8211; do those rubies come out of the floor or&#8211; and oh yeah you can come, too, and we\u2019ll take you back home with us and marry you off to a human.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>And Psyche is blown away by how great of a plan they have come up with so quickly with no ulterior motives and only the best intentions. And then the sisters left.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Psyche wrestled with herself the rest of the day. &#8220;I love him&#8230; but he&#8217;s a monster. He&#8217;s never done anything wrong to me&#8230; but he&#8217;s going to eat me. He&#8217;s so sweet&#8230; but my sisters would never steer me wrong.&#8221; And before she knew it it was night and her husband was coming to her bed. They fucked, unbeknownst to him for the last time and she carried out the rest of her sisters\u2019 plan.\u00a0 She grabbed the dagger, lit the lamp and illuminated the beast that lay beside and saw&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A man.\u00a0 A beautiful man.\u00a0 With glorious wings and the face of a God.\u00a0 It was fucking Cupid.\u00a0 She was fucking Cupid. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now this is where I interject to inform that Cupid is not the tiny little cherub that is depicted in paintings for some reason, he\u2019s a full grown man. I mean, he\u2019s a God but he\u2019s a full sized dude.\u00a0 Psyche wasn\u2019t fucking a cherub baby and just didn\u2019t realize it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_153\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-153\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-153\" src=\"http:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Cupid-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Cupid-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Cupid.jpg 320w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-153\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Not Cupid IRL<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<figure id=\"attachment_154\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-154\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-154 size-medium\" src=\"http:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/UmilNYm-1-300x185.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"185\" srcset=\"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/UmilNYm-1-300x185.jpg 300w, https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/UmilNYm-1-768x473.jpg 768w, https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/UmilNYm-1.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-154\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">This is more what it was actually like<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Okay back to the story.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Psyche couldn\u2019t believe her eyes, she dropped the knife and the sound startled her and she jumped. Simultaneously, two things happened.\u00a0 As she startled, she pricked herself on one of Cupid\u2019s golden arrows and fell even more deeply in love with the God of love. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But as she sound started her and she jumped, a drop of hot oil flew out of the lamp and landed on Cupid\u2019s shoulder. He jumped out of bed, betrayed and angry and tried to fly away. Psyche grabbed him by the leg but couldn\u2019t hold on for long and she fell. And instead of seeing if his very pregnant wife was okay after falling a considerable distance to the ground, he perched in a tree and recounted the whole story of how he became her husband<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">SO, how was it that Cupid was set out by his mother to punish Psyche for her daring to be called Venus by other people and ended up marrying her? Well. Cupid went out with all intentions to do exactly as his mother asked.\u00a0 But when he saw Psyche for the first time, he was enamored by her. And as he was staring at her he lost grip of one of his arrows and pricks himself and immediately falls madly in love and could not hit her with one of his arrows to make her love someone else. So he made her his bride. But his mother, the sometimes jealous and vengeful Venus, could never know of his indiscretion and therefore he hid his face and true identity from Psyche and hid his love from the rest of the world.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But now, she has betrayed him by listening to her wicked sisters whose jealousy and hatred of Psyche\u2019s happiness was the sole influence of their evilness, and they, he could see, would surely be punished.\u00a0 But Psyche would be punished, too, she would never see Cupid again. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And with that, he flew off. And Psyche, emotionally distraught in losing the love of her life (and extra crazy from the extra love juice in her system from that arrow) throws herself in to the river in an attempt to end her life (Suicide lifeline: 800 273 8255). But the River refuses to accept her and plops her back on to the shore Moana style right in front of the God Pan.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pan tells her that he can tell she has an oversupply of love because of how she was acting and that she should just pray to the God Cupid because, although he acts like a spoiled and entitled child, he is the best God there is.\u00a0 &#8220;Devote yourself to him and he will fix all your problems&#8221; and Psyche, I like to think, just laughs at the irony and screams in Alanis Morrissette (which is a reference to probably like 3 of you because I\u2019m getting old) and begins making her way to her eldest sister\u2019s house.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Psyche went to her eldest sister and told her that she did exactly as she was told but when it was revealed it was Cupid, she couldn\u2019t kill him.\u00a0 He awoke and told her that he obviously picked the wrong sister and that Psyche should consider herself divorced and that he was going to marry the more worthy sister with all the necessary marriage ceremonies and gave the eldest sister\u2019s name, which we\u2019ve never gotten but apparently she has one. The sister immediately made up a lie to her husband, she\u2019s like BRB my parents died went to the mountain top, screamed for the west wind Favonius to take her to her proper husband and leaped off the mountain side. But, Favonius was like, nah bitch and pieces of her scattered everywhere.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But Psyche was not done and did the same thing to her other sister who met the same fate.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Psyche didn\u2019t even take a break and began traveling the world looking for her husband that she would never find because he was whining in his mother\u2019s room over his burn, between life and death because apparently even though he is an immortal fucking God apparently a little hot oil is enough to kill him.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now rumors start spreading and people start talking shit, as they are wont to do, that while Venus is dancing around in the sea, Cupid is living it up with his terrestrial trash in the mountains and all the passion has left the world.\u00a0 News gets back to Venus and she\u2019s furious.\u00a0 She\u2019s like &#8220;MY BABY who the&#8212; what\u2019s the name of this pedophile who wants to sleep with my baby.&#8221; <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But like&#8230; Girl\u2026 don\u2019t be that kind of mom, he\u2019s a grown ass man god thing. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So she starts naming off different nymphs and being all accusatory and they\u2019re like, &#8220;we don\u2019t know, man, but we heard it\u2019s Psyche or something like that&#8221;.\u00a0 And Venus fucking loses it. She\u2019s like, &#8220;what am I a fucking madam pointing him in the direction of his next sexual conquest? You know what, I\u2019m going to fucking disown him and adopt a fucking slave in his place and bless them with all his gifts because at least I know that they will fucking listen and obey me. And since I can\u2019t rely on him to carry out my wishes, I\u2019ll fucking destroy that wench myself.&#8221;\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As she stormed off she ran in to Ceres (Demeter) and Juno (Hera) and in her fury asked them to help her punish this slave of hers named Psyche that is totally her slave and not at all her daughter-in-law. And they were not buying it, &#8220;Girl.\u00a0 Why are you trying to ruin his life and his love? He\u2019s a man. Like I know he\u2019s your son and he\u2019ll always be your baby, but he\u2019s a full grown man.\u00a0 Are you just going to let him never love anyone? He\u2019s the god of love who can\u2019t love?&#8221; <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finally someone who fucking makes sense even though Venus didn\u2019t listen at all.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So Psyche is still running around the world looking for her husband and winds up in a temple of Ceres. And level headed Ceres having just left Venus and trying to defend her tells Psyche everything that has happened and Psyche realizes that the \u201cshe\u201d that Cupid was warning her about is Venus and Psyche begs Ceres for sanctuary.\u00a0 And Ceres is sympathetic but also not &#8220;Girl, I feel for you, I really do but like Venus is family and she\u2019s not that bad of a person just a little over protective of her son.\u00a0 So like. My heart goes out to you but no\u2026 get out of my house?&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So Psyche leaves and finds herself in a temple of Juno, what are the fucking odds.\u00a0 And she begs Juno to help her because Juno is especially helpful to pregnant women and Juno pretty much gives her the same answer as Ceres.\u00a0 &#8220;Love to help but Venus is my daughter in law (which is the simplest explanation of their relationship, honestly) and oh gee I can\u2019t sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyy&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Meanwhile Venus is still hunting Psyche down and fucking handing out flyers looking for her like a lost dog. &#8220;Have you seen this slave? Have you seen this slave? Lost slave! Reward 7 kisses and one frencher,&#8221; when Psyche just walks in to her house like nothing is going on. &#8220;Oh hey mom in law wassup.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> And Venus, like so many mother in laws, does not greet her kindly and subjects her to anxiety and depression.\u00a0 But like, these are literally anxiety and depression. Like the embodiments of anxiety and depression that literally torture Psyche. And to torture her more, Venus starts threatening Psyche and Cupid\u2019s child. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;You really think that that baby is going to have a good life? You, you dumb cheap human can\u2019t marry a god, you can\u2019t give birth to a god and besides your marriage isn\u2019t even actually a marriage.\u00a0 There were no witnesses and no familial consent so you\u2019re going to give birth to a bastard child if I even allow this to progress that far.&#8221; Then she beats the shit out of Psyche and mixes together all the wheat, barley, seeds, lentils, beans that she has and tells her to prove that she would at least make a good slave and sort through and separate everything by nightfall Cinderella-style and left. And Psyche just stood there dumbfounded until the tiniest creature, an ant, came to her aid.\u00a0 The ant called all its little ant friends to help this &#8220;adorable unhappy girl&#8221; and they sorted everything for her.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When Venus came back that night she chastised Psyche and said that it was actually Cupid who did it. &#8220;But not to worry, more was to come&#8221; and tossed her a piece of bread like a dog and went to her room. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But mind you, Cupid\u2019s been locked in his room under guard since she found out so there\u2019s literally no way that can be the case.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The next morning, Venus summoned Psyche and told her her next task. &#8221; Go down by this special river and gather wool from the sheep that graze there but the sheep that graze are special sheep that have fleece made of gold&#8221; (not the same golden fleece as Jason and Medea, though, which we\u2019ll talk about in a few segments).<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-155\" src=\"http:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Golden_Fleece_6325.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"238\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Psyche happily goes out on her quest but she plans on throwing herself in to the river and committing suicide (Suicide lifeline: 800 273 8255).\u00a0 But the reeds at the river ask her to &#8220;please carry on and try and carry out the task set before her.\u00a0 But not to try and just go grab the fleece because the sheep are fiercely protective and will ram her with their hard horns and bite her with their poisonous teeth. So just chill here with us and relax on the bank AND DON\u2019T kill yourself. Later on today the sheep will move back to their home and will brush against the branches and then you can just pick it off the trees like fucking berries.&#8221; <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So that\u2019s exactly what she did and Venus was like &#8220;What the damn fuck.\u00a0 Cupid obviously did this for you, too because you\u2019re too dumb to be able to figure this out&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;So now go trek up this fucking mountain to the River Styx (the river of the fucking underworld) and get some of the icy water and tut tut hurry back&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This mountain side is fucking crazy, though.\u00a0 It is unclimbable because <em>you aren&#8217;t supposed to be able to get to the River fucking Styx if you aren\u2019t dead<\/em> and even if she tried, the tumultuous river started screaming at her to&#8221;go away&#8221; and &#8220;back the fuck up&#8221; and she was just frozen<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The eagle of Jupiter (Zeus) then came swooping down, &#8220;Listen you dumb bitch, what do you think you\u2019re doing? Surely you know that you can\u2019t trust this river? Like seriously, you mortals swear by the gods, the gods swear by the River Styx because they fear it so much and you think you can just steal some water from the summit? Dear gods girl, just give me the fucking jar&#8221; and he flew to the summit and took some water even though the water screamed in protest and Psyche brought it back to Venus who praised her and greeted her with loving open arms\u2026.. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">NOT did you fucking forget what story we were telling?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;Well aren\u2019t you the most wonderful fucking witch.\u00a0 Well here\u2019s a task that will just be fit for a <em>sorceress<\/em> such as you.\u00a0 Take this box and go down to the underworld and go to the queen of the fucking queen herself Proserpina (Persephone) and tell her that I ask for just a little bit of her loveliness in this box because I have been wasting away caring for my suffering and dying son who is in such a state because of his stupid whore wife. And your little bit of beauty will be all I need to regain myself completely.\u00a0 Make sure you tell her exactly that. Repeat it back to me.\u00a0 Uh huh&#8230; mmhm&#8230; yep, stupid whore wife, okay great now go.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So Psyche walks away like, &#8220;how the fuck do I get to the underworld.&#8221;\u00a0 It isn\u2019t some place you can just walk in to like, hey guys here weekly lunch date with grandpa. So she thought the best way to do that was to just throw herself off of the highest fucking tower and even if she didn\u2019t accomplish her task at least she\u2019d just be done because she is in pristine fucking mental health and doesn\u2019t need to seek professional help at all. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before she launches herself off the roof, the TOWER starts speaking to her and asks her to reconsider her plan because, although she will definitely get to the underworld that way, she will never be able to return because all the creatures and inanimate objects are fucking routing for her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The tower then tells her exactly how to get to the underworld while still, you know, fucking alive. The tower tells her to make her way to a certain town and gather some cakes and mead and put two coins in her mouth.\u00a0 &#8220;On your way there will be multiple beings asking you for help but just ignore them because they are all lures set out by Venus.\u00a0 Charon, the boatman to the underworld who never does anything for free will take one of your coins but make sure he retrieves it from your mouth himself. When you get to the underworld, give the 3 headed dog you find guarding the entrance some of your cake and then tell Proserpina about your task, she will help you and then do the same exact thing in reverse order to get home. But whatever you do, do not open the box&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Psyche does everything that she is told by this talking tower to get to the underworld and back but when she is outside of the palace of Venus, Psyche, as you know at this point is renowned for her great decision making, decides that she probably looks like a hot fucking mess what with trekking by foot to the underworld and back and all and could use a little refresher and if Venus said that this could redeem beauty than she needed it more than anyone to make herself presentable to her wonderful and not at all toxic husband.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So she opened the box and immediately fell into a death-like sleep.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cupid having finally healed from his wittle burn decided he couldn\u2019t be away from Psyche any longer because, you know, it\u2019s been a few days since he got his whistle wet. He found Psyche, laying in her death-like state and wiped the sleep from her eyes, placed it back into the box and woke her with true love\u2019s kiss. Then he immediately flew away because he was so scared of his mother\u2019s wrath he needed to get the big guns involved and go and tattle to Venus\u2019s daddy.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No wonder he\u2019s depicted as a small child in paintings&#8230;.<\/span><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_156\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-156\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-156\" src=\"http:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Cupid-detail-from-Raphael-007-300x180.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"180\" srcset=\"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Cupid-detail-from-Raphael-007-300x180.jpg 300w, https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Cupid-detail-from-Raphael-007.jpg 460w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-156\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">You deserve this&#8230;&#8230; tiny baby penis and all&#8230;<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So he goes to Grandpa Jupiter and throws himself at his feet and pleads his case. And Jupiter confronts him, &#8220;You come to me, on this the day of&#8230; probably one of my children\u2019s weddings because I have so many who could even keep track&#8211; after causing so much shit?\u00a0 It\u2019s your fault that I fall in love with so many mortal women and cheat on my wife all the time and have completely damaged by reputation making me no better than a fucking piece of cattle and you think that I\u2019m going to help you? <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Okay. Yeah I\u2019ll help you no problem but if I help you you have to promise me that if I see a super hot mortal woman, you\u2019ll help me get her into my bed.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Then he calls all the gods and goddesses in to his presence and tells them &#8220;I have come up with a solution to tame the wild and irresponsible Cupid.\u00a0 He\u2019ll marry Psyche. Heehee I\u2019m brilliant. No. This was definitely my idea.\u00a0 They aren&#8217;t already married or anything&#8230;&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_157\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-157\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-157\" src=\"http:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/D77TbDgWkAA8qha-300x191.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"191\" srcset=\"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/D77TbDgWkAA8qha-300x191.jpg 300w, https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/D77TbDgWkAA8qha.jpg 646w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-157\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Too cool for you<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They invite Psyche up to home of the gods and have her drink ambrosia, drink of the gods and she becomes an immortal goddess (with the most adorable butterfly wings) and they have a lavish wedding and Psyche comes into Cupid\u2019s possession because let\u2019s not forget that women are property. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Venus is all of a sudden totally fine with the match and no longer has any issues with Psyche&#8230; okay&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Psyche then gives birth to a totally healthy child even disregarding the multiple falls and beatings she experienced during the pregnancy and they name her\u2026 Pleasure.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And they all live happily ever after.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And that\u2019s the story of Cupid and Psyche.\u00a0 Happy Valentine\u2019s Day, I guess.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Thanks so much for stopping by today and reading my feminist rants.\u00a0 I love you all.<\/p>\n<p>If you have something that you would like me to talk about, especially outside of the Greek and Roman pantheon because that&#8217;s what I&#8217;m most familiar with and there are other amazing Greek podcasts and the like (Like Let&#8217;s Talk About Myths, Baby).<\/p>\n<p>And remember, history might be watching so don&#8217;t fuck it up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/1655014\/7752694-cupid-and-psyche.mp3?blob_id=34426519&#038;download=true Hello history nerds and historians! Welcome to the first official segment of Effed Up MYTHOLOGY. This is where we talk about a little tidbit [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":164,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[8],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/148"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=148"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/148\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":160,"href":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/148\/revisions\/160"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/164"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=148"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=148"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/krystinayeager.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=148"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}